‘The paperwork is a nightmare’: The romance and red tape of dating as a digital nomad
Oscar and Tyla Train met in a small Bulgarian ski town. Within weeks, they were living together in a shoebox apartment in Istanbul.
“The roof was caving in, we were sleeping on the floor, and the streets outside were a sensory overload,” Tyla tells me. “It was like a test. I remember saying to Oscar: if we can make the next month work, we’ll be fine.”
They were better than fine. In fact, a few months later, they were engaged. That’s where things became tricky. She is from Australia, he is from Denmark, and they wanted to have a home base in Bulgaria. Getting married was a convoluted process spanning four countries and two continents.
“We had to go to Denmark to start the process, then I had to visit the Australian embassy in Athens for documents. We had a ceremony in Bulgaria and then had to go to Australia to get my name changed,” Tyla says.
“Only then could we apply for the right residency so we could live and travel together without visa issues.”
Visa woes and moving fast
For digital nomad couples, especially those with different passports, paperwork is par for the course. And that isn’t the only way that a lifestyle on the road affects romance.
Constant travel turns casual dating into an uphill battle. Making the decision to travel together causes relationship milestones to arrive at breakneck speed. And sometimes, spontaneity has to give way to bureaucracy.
I know this from personal experience. I met my partner three years ago in a coworking space in Bulgaria. We practically moved in together on day one and have travelled to twenty countries together. It’s wonderful, but also necessary -because there is no country where we are both allowed to stay for more than 90 days at a time.
He’s British, I’m from France, and many of our life decisions are determined by the fact that non-Schengen residents can only spend only 90 days within any 180-day period in the Schengen Area without a visa.
It’s not the most romantic setup, but it did force us to commit to the relationship faster than we might have if we lived in one place.
“It definitely accelerates things,” Tyla adds. “I remember feeling so connected to Oscar early on, and thinking - should I really feel like this after just a few weeks? But that’s how it goes. You either go all in, or it ends.”
Finding Love on the Road
Not all nomads are looking for something serious. Many choose this lifestyle because they love the freedom and don’t want to be tied down.
As one member of the r/DigitalNomads subreddit put it: “Nomad life is about freedom, exploration, pushing your limits. It’s a pretty bad situation for finding a long-term partner.”
Even if they do want to build a long-term relationship, finding someone is a challenge. “You shouldn’t expect any serious dating if doing this lifestyle other than the occasional other nomad who may be open to date,” said another Reddit user. “It’s unfair to expect someone local to date you if you’re unwilling to commit to even a single place.”
There’s truth to this. Building a romantic relationship when you’ll be leaving in a few weeks is no small feat. If the person is local, they may not want to invest emotionally in someone who’ll soon be gone. If they’re also a nomad, they’re likely on their own journey with other destinations in mind.
To help nomads meet people with similar lifestyles - and travel plans - a few dating apps have popped up in recent years.
Nomads.com lets you list your upcoming destinations so you can see who will be there at the same time. Nomad Soulmates, whose motto is “traveling is better when shared,” promises to “support nomads on their journeys to finding real love.”
Can you start a family as a digital nomad?
An easier option - if you’d rather avoid downloading another dating app - is to start your nomad journey with a partner from home. And deciding to do so can actually strengthen a relationship.
Leah and Tamar (names changed to protect anonymity), a couple from Israel, say that becoming nomads brought them closer together.
“The challenges we faced came from living in Israel. Dealing with the cost of living and the security situation,” Leah explains. “Once we were outside of Israel, we actually found a lot more calm and mental peace. Exploring new places together really strengthened our bond.”
They enjoyed several years of nomading across Europe, but things changed when they had a child. “We found ourselves nomading with a baby. Moving from one Airbnb to another across different towns. It was exhausting.”
They eventually settled near Porto, Portugal, in a long-term rental.
“The comfort and routine often seen as the 'enemy' of digital nomadism become incredibly valuable once you have a child,” Leah explains. “It’s no longer easy to give that up, even in the name of adventure.”
Still, they’re not giving up on the dream. “Once she turns five, we’d love to return to Asia as a family,” Leah says. I hear the pitter-patter of little (itchy) feet.